“My life motto: “Dream. Believe. Live.” I always dream big, trust and believe in God and Myself, and now I’m turning my dream into my reality It what keeps me going and helps me stay positive when I’m having a bad day.” – Me, February 22, 2012
Sometimes you have to be your own inspiration.
MissGuided dress & choker | Quay Australia sunglasses | Adidas Originals sneakers
Hello, my loves. How are you? Me, I’m doing good! I know, it’s been a long time since I’ve truly posted and truthfully it has been with good reason. I’m going to get real and personal with you guys for a minute, and fore-warning this is going to be a text heavy post.
The past two years have been a real struggle for me, personally and professionally. I feel like I’ve gone through a lot of changes and I’ve definitely done a LOT of thinking (probably more than necessary). I’ve always been very honest with my blogging and felt that if I was not feeling it, I just wouldn’t blog. I didn’t want to ‘fake blog’ and be unauthentic. So instead of pretending, I just stayed away. Over the past two years my professional life has been crazy busy. Usually I have a busy season and slow season, last year that was not the case. From the end of 2014 straight through until about a month ago has been none stop, from one event to the next with no breathing time, most times working on multiple events at once. Then on top of that I had a lot going on in my personal life between schooling, competing in a beauty pageant, obtaining my scuba certification and still trying to keep up a social life. There were so many times where I became overwhelmed and so many times I just wanted to quit everything. To some people this may not seem like a lot but for me at the time, it was – so much so that I began to lose my sense of self. Everything seemed like a chore, the things that I once loved seemed like a burden and I was so stressed that I just began to shut everything out. It wasn’t until India in April of this year that I started to find myself again.
When I was in India, I (almost) completely detached from everything that was going on in my life. The pageant was well over but I still had a lot of insecurities that arose during that time. I made it a point to finish my schooling before I left for the trip. And I let my job know to expect me to have very little communication while abroad, so they would not be able to ask me anything work related. I used this trip to focus on myself and to fully experience where I was and what I was doing, in the moment as it was happening. Of course I still checked in with my friends and family at home and updated social media, but it had been a long time since I had had a new experience, and I wanted be in the moment for every minute of it. And I did. I came back feeling refreshed and like new again with a new outlook on life.
After returning from India, I tried as hard as I could to maintain this mentality but it wasn’t easy, and shortly after I fell back into the routine of being stressed and wanting to run away from it all. Unfortunately there was no way to escape and I just pushed through as best as I could until it was over.
Some how I managed to get through it all, but I found even after my events finally slowed down and my personal life was back to normal it was hard to find myself again. I tried everything I knew possible from reading inspirational books, to spending time with friends, to literally rearranging and organizing my life. But nothing seemed to work. I was at a point where I wasn’t sure what I wanted with my life, where I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I almost came to a point where I wanted to shut down my blog completely so I can just figure things out, but there is something in me that just can’t let go. So I decided to do something that I should have done a long time ago. I started to re-read my old posts, from the beginning. I wanted to rediscover why I started this blog in the first place and figure out what it is I’m trying to achieve. I’m still trying to figure out my end game, but I did learn that when I started this blog I was fearless, inspired and interested in everything I was writing about. From outfit obsessions to red carpet to daily outfits and my extreme obsession with Victoria’s Secret. I wrote because I was interested, inspired and wanted to share my thoughts. I don’t know when it happened, but at some point over the years I lost that drive and confidence that I once had. My goal now, is to get back to that, and what better way to start, than by reliving the moments that made me feel alive. Over the next few months I will be doing some flashback blogging, catching you up on what has been going on in my life and reliving my favourite moments from the past two years. Bare with me as I take you on a journey to help rediscover myself and my love for blogging, through memories and my favourite fashion moments.